


Always There For You

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Can You Hear Me? [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Teen Titans - All Media Types, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Guns, Magic, Mention of Jericho and Melissa's deaths, Season/Series 01, Suicide Attempt, Telepathy, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Jericho dies and the Titans disband. After everyone leaves, Dick shuts down the main computer, gets the gun they’d confiscated from a criminal and goes to sit in his bathtub.He doesn’t know how long he sits there, crying and praying for forgiveness. Desperately wishing for Death as hard as he wants someone to find him.Eventually, someone does.Version 2: Rachel: Waking up in someone else's room, in a dream that's not quite a dream, Rachel finds a lonely man who needs help. Little does she know that years later, he will help her in return.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Raven
Series: Can You Hear Me? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014393
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	Always There For You

**Author's Note:**

> See End Notes for Trigger Warning

Rachel was in a bedroom that wasn’t her own. 

She looked around curiously. Although it was getting dark, she could make out stylish, clean lines and quality furniture. There wasn’t much decoration but it looked like a rich person’s house. Going over to the window, she saw a sprawling city outside and realized it must be an apartment as they were very high up. 

She and her mom had a nice house but in second grade she’d been friends with Susy Perkins and had seen that Susy’s house was a lot bigger than Rachel’s, with more rooms and a modern kitchen. Rachel had been intensely jealous and that had led to an argument and soon Susy had found other, ‘less weird’ friends.

Turning, Rachel saw a light spilling out from a door that was slightly ajar and she heard a familiar sound.

Someone was crying.

Heart twinging with sympathy, she walked over and pushed open the door to a bathroom.

There was a man sitting in the bathtub. He was the one crying; his face red with tears and his whole body shaking with them. There was no water in the tub and he was fully dressed. 

He was also holding a gun. Rachel swallowed. She’d seen them on the TV, but never in person. She frowned, why was he holding it to his head? Didn’t he know that was dangerous?

Then it clicked: the tears, the gun, he was...

“Are you okay?” She said without thinking.

The man flinched and looked up. Rachel suddenly felt awkward and a little scared. What if he freaked out at her trespassing in his apartment and pointed the gun at her?

He didn’t move though and only when she began to shift on her feet did he speak.

“Who are you?” His voice was hoarse but he didn’t sound mad, just confused.

“I’m Rachel. Sorry, I didn’t mean to...I’m just here.” She didn’t know how to explain it. Appearing in a strange place without remembering how you got there wasn’t normal, so she must be dreaming; but something told her that this man wasn’t in her head. He was real.

“Are you really here?” He asked, as if thinking the same thing as her.

Looking around, Rachel realized that she wasn’t physically in the room. “This should be a dream, but it isn’t.”

If he understood, the man didn’t say anything. His gaze went distant.

Rachel focused back on the gun, which was now less firmly pressed against his skull, but still pointed in that direction. The ‘how’ didn’t matter; it was now obvious to her why she was in the apartment. But it was probably not a good idea to just ask why he wanted to…

Hm. How to put it?

“Why are you crying?”

He looked back at her and then seemed to remember the gun. Swallowing, he lowered it and his mouth opened and closed a few times.

“I...I killed someone.”

“Oh.” The sound escaped Rachel’s mouth. She hadn’t met a murderer before, but she’d assumed they didn’t feel bad when they killed people.

He closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

Rachel hugged herself, wanting to go home. But she didn’t know how. “Why?”

His eyes blinked open and he stared at her.

Thinking maybe he hadn’t understood, she asked. “Why did you kill them?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

That made her feel better, her arms falling to her sides. “So it was an accident?”

He took a moment to consider his answer before explaining. “I made a mistake, a stupid mistake, and a friend, he was killed.”

Rachel turned that over in her head. Her mom always told her to apologise when she made a mistake and try to make it up to someone if she hurt them, even by accident. It hadn’t worked with Susy Perkins but Rachel had the feeling that nothing would have worked with her.

You couldn’t really do that if the person you hurt was dead though. She thought she understood the man a little more; how could he feel better if he couldn’t make it up with his friend?

“Did he have any family?”

The man winced. “His dad’s dead.” He sighed. “And I doubt his mom would want to see me.”

“You could try saying you’re sorry.”

The man chuckled darkly. “Hey Mrs Wilson! I’m sorry I got your only son killed by being a selfish asshole, here, have some flowers to put on his grave.”

“I’m just trying to help!” Rachel pouted, brow furrowing.

The man looked a little sorry, but he didn’t apologise. “I didn’t ask for any.”

“Well you need it.” Rachel countered, feeling more sure he wouldn't hurt her. 

The man huffed, but didn’t argue.

Rachel wracked her brain. What else could he do to feel less sad?

“What about your family?”

“Dead.” He answered, voice flat but eyes pained. “And before you mention friends...they all left. None of them want me around.”

“Friends are overrated.” Rachel said, folding her arms.

The man looked back at her, his gaze feeling heavy on her skin. She felt like he was unlocking her secrets. Like he knew about Susy Perkins somehow. 

Finally, he asked. “Where did you come from?”

“Michigan.”

He cocked his head and frowned slightly. “Huh, I’ve never been.”

“It’s okay.” Rachel shrugged. “Kinda boring but there are some pretty parks.”

The man nodded politely and Rachel looked around the bathroom.

“Why don’t you go outside? When my mom’s feeling sad, she always feels better by going for a walk.”

The man’s gaze fell to his lap. Rachel noticed he was still holding the gun and anxiety buzzed in her chest. She didn’t want to move though, sensing he was thinking. As she stood there, she thought she heard whispering. Frowning, she tried to make out the words but the voices were too quiet, the sounds jumbled.

Glancing at the man, she saw his shoulders caving inward. He could hear the voices too. They didn’t sound very nice. One of them sounded like they were laughing. 

Rachel took a few steps forward, planting her bare feet on the cold tile. “Don’t listen to them.” She ordered.

The man’s head bobbed up again and he blinked at her. Expression twisting, he whispered. “Why do you care? Why shouldn’t I pay for what I’ve done?”

That was a good question. She could say that she’d been sent there to help him, but then she couldn’t really explain why and that wasn’t the real reason anyway.

“I don’t have any friends, but my mom makes me feel better when I’m sad. We bake cookies and watch funny movies together. You should have someone to help you too.”

His eyes were fixed on hers and he leaned forward a little, really listening to her.

Knowing this was her moment, Rachel lifted her chin and declared. “And everyone deserves a second chance.”

The man didn’t move for a long moment and Rachel almost didn’t dare breathe. She thought it was a good enough reason, but would he? Her heart thumped in her chest, so hard it was almost painful.  _ Please, please, please...  _

Finally, he did something to make the gun click and stood up. Rachel stepped back and watched him put the gun on the counter. She smiled.

Although he didn't smile back, the man did look better. His brown eyes were clear and his frame seemed to have some more life to it.

He asked. “Now what?”

Rachel didn’t get the chance to answer. 

She woke up to the sun shining on her face. Wincing, she shifted under the cover and groaned. It was too early, way before her alarm.

Slowly, her dream returned to her. She sat up, remembering the nice apartment, the man in the bathtub and all his despair cutting him so deep he’d reached for a gun. It had been so vivid, the image of the man so clear in her mind, the pain he’d been feeling and the desperate hope she’d had to save him.

She sighed and flopped an arm over her face.

But it had only been a dream.

Rachel didn’t connect the man in the bathtub with the circus boy until she came face to face with him in that Detroit police station. It was the same moment that Dick realized the little girl he thought he’d hallucinated to talk himself down from the ledge five years ago was actually a real person.

With all that happened after their meeting, it didn’t come up until they were driving to DC to see Dick’s friends.

“So...about the whole thing.” Rachel waved a hand, no more able to think of a good euphemism for ‘suicide’ than she’d been at eleven.

Dick got her meaning and said with a finality in his tone. “It was a long time ago.”

“So you’re-”

“I’m fine.” His grip on the wheel tightened and she just raised her eyebrows.

“Okay.” Then after a pause, she tried again. “It’s none of my business and you don’t have to talk about what happened but,” she saw his jaw clench and sat back in her seat, “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Dick’s head jerked towards her before he forced it back to look at the road. He pursed his lips slightly.

“Thanks.” He said finally.

Rachel had the distinct impression that she was the first to say that to him and from what she’d seen so far, guessed that they were the only two who even knew about what had happened in that bathroom.

“These friends we’re going to…”

“They were involved in what happened to... well, it was my idea but…” He glanced at her. “They don’t know about that.”

“I figured. They won’t know from me.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“No, I mean.” He took in a deep breath. “Thank you for what you did back then.”

“Don’t thank me for that either. As I said, glad I could help.”

He glanced at her, so many emotions shifting behind his eyes. Finally, he asked. “How did you do that?”

Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know, I was just there. Afterwards I thought it was a dream.”

Dick tilted his head, lip twitching. “I thought I imagined you.”

“You imagined an eleven-year old girl from Michigan to talk you out of…?”

He huffed a laugh. “Because that’s less believable than dream-telepathy.”

They sat in a comfortable silence, radio playing softly in the background. After a while though, the darkness crept back in. Rachel was trying to rid her head of the bang of the gun that had killed her mother when Dick spoke again.

“So the day my parents died and the day I almost did. Seen anything else of my life or just those two stellar moments?”

“Just those two.” Rachel sighed.

Gaze fixed on the road, Dick said haltingly. “Well, just so you know, if you ever need someone to talk to or just, be there, I’m your guy.” 

“You’re not going to leave me with your friends and run away forever?” Rachel asked.

Dick looked at her again. “No.”

The amount of conviction in his voice made her sit up. She eyed him and then held her hand out. Keeping an eye on the road, Dick laid one of his hands on hers. Rachel closed her eyes and sifted through what she felt from him. There were doubts there, questions of how he could really protect her; wordless rage at the world swirled in a tornado and the agony of loneliness loomed large above it all. But...

_ You were there for me, I’ll always be there for you. _

Opening her eyes, she saw his lips tilted up. 

She smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: for suicide attempt. Rachel finds Dick sitting in the bath with a gun to his head but he quickly lowers it and she talks him out of it. 
> 
> I kind of wanted to write more scenes from s1 taking this into consideration but instead I settled on hinting that it would be different because I have so many Titans fic ideas, including a complete rewrite of s1 where Dick doesn’t leave Rachel alone every five minutes.  
> Forgot to mention in the last fic that Slade’s presumed dead. I think in the show he was listed as dead sometime in the five years after the Titans disbanded. It wouldn’t make sense for them all to leave if they thought he was still out there so my headcanon is the fake death happened a few days after Jericho died, before they all left the Tower.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so let me know if you spot any mistakes.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> :D


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